This is my story

i want to tell someone about something

but i cant

20 May 2020

gue harap ga bikin sedih orang lain. maaf ya kalo  masih ada benerapa hal yg gue sedihin. Mungkin ada sesuatu yg orang lain lakuin tp dia gasadar yg bikin gue sedih, but gue akan coba buat gapapa-in. Bukan gara2 dia sok pinter atau laterep kok hahah… Kalo mungkin dia sadar, mungkin nggak, gue coba make a distance biar gue ga sedih2 amat. But its okay gue ga menjauh kok. i’m just trying to be okay. Dont worry about mee hahaha… i want to say Gws… i just want to say…Am i really a bestfriend for someone, Please think about it. maybe someone will know that someone still do something that make me upset but they still do it. I cant do anything about it anyway. II only hope one thing, can you not do that, Cant you just dont do it. but, i cant say all of that, its hard. It hurts me alot tbh, but what can i do? i really want to ask, why are they holding me when they are still holding things that hurt me the most, They can only say focus on them. But they never felt it. I stayed because of them, only them . But do i have to suffer and hurting ? Dan di sisi lain they still do it. Thats why i always want they to choose. But, they never understand it. Because its hurting me. It traumatize me, and i will always remember it, how much i forgot about it. i always cry. I Ada beberapa lagu yang mengingatkan gue pada saat2 sedih tertentu i always cry kalo gasengaja lagu itu keputer. It traumatize me, a lot. Nobody cares what i feel, tepatnya, Nobody know what i felt. It sicken me that it haunts me always. Sometimes, gue kepikiran, Why do i have to get through it all, when they only say just focus on them and jaga perasaan them, while they still do things that traumatize me. I can understand them, i just dont understand for myself that i am too sad about everything. Is saying “are you okay?” will solve anything? is it going to be always a sign of care? Why would they ask if they dont know how to help fix the problem.The sad person only want happiness, not just only concern words.Thats all question that always ring in my head. I dont know what to do. I cant do anything tho. I cant blame anyone too. Its difficult. What makes me sad the most, i think i already lost them since long time ago. Maybe thats why noone realize that i change, because theyre the one who change. Their topics, their way of talking, their jokes and everything. Its not them, theyre imitating from others. Its not their true self anymore. Thats why i already lost them from the beginning. Howevee, theyre all precious in my life so they will always in my heart. Eventhough i’m distancing, it doesnt mean i’m not going back anymore. Maybe i’ll get back when i sort everything out by myself. This is not about one person though. Well, everyone has their own weakness.Well thats my story, i guess.