2015
The darkest moment of my life
I never knew that tragedy would happened
The lonely brief and quietness
The laughters all surround me
The thought of me as a joke
The solo self in a crowd
The year that makes me more hurting
All just went in one pace
Everything just so blurred
It is a really hard decision
for a single person to survive
in this cruel world
alone….
what about a relationship?
what if no one in this world like you
like in other means falling in love
because they are afraid of you
or maybe afraid of them
it is not about the relationship
it is about how we overwhelmed
there is someone who will understand
someone who is always there
even with our darkest habits
who can deliver love
as much as our love to them
maybe being in a relationship
wasn’t a bad thing at all
but a complicated feeling
I wish there are someone
who can give their time
to give their attention even a second
someone who can be relayed with
or maybe someone who hates making us feel disappointed
Have you ever believe in positivity?
I never believe one, once
Until I found out
That being far from positive
Only hurting ourselves
Labilism, I gained that now
Stuck between negative and positive
Negative thoughts haunt every second
But then again, feeling always declined
Ushering away all negativity
My first wish ever since the past
I always wanted to be a nice person
It sounds full of lies and bullshits
But that is the truth
And I can never achieve it
All the assumptions that already struck
The hates that I gained
That’s the only thing that made negativity
I never said I was always right
Everyone made mistake
And maybe it really breaks my heart
If there are situation
When I am trying to be positive
And there are things that made be disappointed
I don’t know if that is a negativity
Or reality that I can ever accept
Sometimes….
What we expect not always on our side
What we imagined has nothing to do
What we want never been granted
Human needs others, ofcourse
But sometimes
Too much is not a good option
Not all people will always be there
It’s a really heartbreaking
When you put too much attention
Turns out to be a dull
And ended into regret
Its not about them
Its about ourselves
Need to realized that
Don’t stick up to others
The emotionless princess
Has risen up, again
Afraid to be sad
It wasn’t a myths
It wasn’t a hypocrite
It wasn’t a joke
People always change, always
you’ll see me differently
tomorrow and from now on
I meant it
just find attention from others
not from me
sorry, everyone
i cant take it anymore
-me, 2015
There are times when people just tired
One of the example is suffocated
They tried to keep them quiet
When there are actions they could take
Silent would be okay, maybe
Don’t underestimate the ignorance
There could be a new changes
Such as other ignorance
Time flies when people want to talk
But there are times when the speak
Cannot be the same again
Because of the ignorance
And I’ve been ignored for so many times
At first it was just a joke to me
But the heart never lies
And keep hurting
Maybe for some people
It was not a big thing, I know
But being ignored all the time
It was such a nightmare
I just want to erase all my memories
1. its a really far place and i cant afford to go there less than an hour.
2. I dont understand the routes and its mear by the sea because i really hate the sea afraid of tsunami.
3. I never knew i know someone live there because i always played around the south and never get into north
4. However, by the time of 2018 i met someone live there though and i just looked weirdly at the fact.
5. the north looked lonely at classes so me being a nice person tried to approach the north person because who wants to be alone in this cruel world.
6. I dont know i was going to get closer and closer to the north person untill we stick like a glue everyday.
7. By the time 2019, i realized it wasnt going to be the same again because we’re having a different path of classes.
8. one day, the north person gave me some letter and a doll, i was surprised.
9. I realized the distance doesnt make our friendship getting loose and because of that, we communicate everyday through online.
10. Untill the north person gave things that i never done to anyone and i feel very sorry because i cant gave it back to the north person.
11. The north person gave me a friendly attention much to me and make me feel not worthy to get this kind of treatment.
12. untill one day, i just realized the happy north not as happy as it seems. and it really breaks my heart because i never knew about it all.
13. I wanted to say sorry for all my non-action for not giving any memories that the north person gave to me. I wish i could be the person who gave things that the north gave.
14. I am sorry for not being a chill friend who doesnt see things so sensitively, i tried my best to be a better person, i promise.
15. Thankyou for things that you’ve been giving me and i am so gratefull for having a north as a friend. Even we’re not in the same spot or not even the same circle anymore, i hope we can be the bestfriend that always be there for each other and always remember each other even everyone leaves behind. I never thought you as my rival in any way, okay? please remember that.
ps: I cant tell you all of this in person i am so sorry for being the emotional friend that always make you worry and sad. Please, i’ll be always there for you i meant it, and i wish you could be the person that you want in the future i always prayed for that, even you got demands and unapproval from everyone, i’ll be here to support you , always
Sometimes self centered need to be true
Especially for those who wants
The one who want to satisfy themselves
Really to make it better
Well, there are times a heart
Need to be understandable
Because they were crashed
And dissapointed
The heart are weak
The heart are tired
The heart always sacrificing
The heart always lose
Its not about that
Its not about sacrificing
Its about the concious
Its about the reality
Its about the impact
Why dont people change their mindsets
Such as forgiving and helping
Because they are moved to do it
By their hearts
Sometimes lowering our ego
Are the most effective way
To solve a problem
Because we dont know what future will do
Sacrificing only an option
For us all to be a better person
Its not about how we lose
Its about the satisfy
To be able to do it
Love and relationshi
Siapa yang tidak menyukai
genre bertemakan romansa
setiap manusia menyukainya
mungkin tidak semuanya
Dengan mereka berpikir
ataupun merasakan cinta
dan perasaan yang dicurahkan
mereka semua melaluinya
Adakah seseorang
dalam dua puluh tahun
tidak merasakan cinta
ataupun diberi cinta
Istilah “gebetan”
tak pernah terbesit
diantara dua puluh tahun tersebut
terselip pun tak pernah
apakah dua puluh tahun itu tersembunyi
atau tidak ada yang mencarinya
ingin sekali dua puluh tahun tersebut
tak merasa emosional dengan hal kecil
jika saja dua puluh tahun ada yang
mewarnainya dengan percikan asmara
mungkin hal itu tak pernah terjadi
rasa tak ingin ditinggalkan
rasa tak mau dalam kesendirian
rasa merasa tak penting
rasa selalu akan menjadi pilihan kedua
Di setiap kehidupan
akan selalu ada rintangan terberat
semua orang pasti mengalaminya
termasuk saya sendiri
Ada titik dimana manusia
lelah dengan cobaannya
dan ketika manusia tersebut
mencoba mencari kebahagiaannya
maka muncullah sifat egois
Sebenarnya setiap manusia
tidak salah memiliki egoisme
karena ia berhak menjalani hidupnya
namun ego terlalu berlebihan
sangatlah merugikan orang lain
Tetapi bolehkah sekali saja
saya memutar balikkan fakta
bahwa egoisme berasal dari orang lain
ketika seseorang tertindas
dan ingin mencapai kebahagiaannya
Ada dimana saat seseorang
berada di titik lemahnya
namun tidak ada yang menggapainya
dan tenggelam dalam kesendirian
Bayangkan jika seseorang itu
di tuntut untuk memahami yang lainnya
sulit meskipun seseorang itu memiliki niat yang baik
Semua mungkin butuh proses
setiap manusia berkembang
dan tidak salah jika mereka
ingin menjadi lebih baik
dengan melakukan keburukan
terlebih dahulu
Untuk orang-orang diluar sana
ku harap kalian jangan tetap
dalam keterpurukan atau
kesedihan yang mendalam
Karena nanti ada saat dimana
kebahagiaan itu muncul
jika kalian mensyukuri semua
apa yang kalian dapatkan sekarang
ingat dunia seperti roller coaster
tidak ada yang selalu sempurna
hanya bagaimana manusia
mengaplikasikan dan bersikap
pada cobaan yang diberikannya
Sometimes I feel nothing
The emotions are all hidden
Like the brain and heart
Never collide for each other
Once I never had feelings
Nor do I not?
There are dozens of questions
Why would we need emotions
While we are sacrificing ourselves into it
Never I have ever believe in anything
Or even a single trust
I was hiding in the bushes
Afraid to see outside