Monthly Archives: June 2019



The darkest moment of my life

I never knew that tragedy would happened

The lonely brief and quietness


The laughters all surround me

The thought of me as a joke

The solo self in a crowd


The year that makes me more hurting

All just went in one pace

Everything just so blurred

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It is a really hard decision

for a single person to survive

in this cruel world



what about a relationship?

what if no one in this world like you

like in other means falling in love

because they are afraid of you

or maybe afraid of them


it is not about the relationship

it is about how we overwhelmed

there is someone who will understand

someone who is always there

even with our darkest habits


who can deliver love

as much as our love to them

maybe being in a relationship

wasn’t a bad thing at all

but a complicated feeling


I wish there are someone

who can give their time

to give their attention even a second

someone who can be relayed with

or maybe someone who hates making us feel disappointed





Have you ever believe in positivity?

I never believe one, once

Until I found out

That being far from positive

Only hurting ourselves


Labilism, I gained that now

Stuck between negative and positive

Negative thoughts haunt every second

But then again, feeling always declined

Ushering away all negativity


My first wish ever since the past

I always wanted to be a nice person

It sounds full of lies and bullshits

But that is the truth

And I can never achieve it


All the assumptions that already struck

The hates that I gained

That’s the only thing that made negativity

I never said I was always right

Everyone made mistake


And maybe it really breaks my heart

If there are situation

When I am trying to be positive

And there are things that made be disappointed

I don’t know if that is a negativity

Or reality that I can ever accept







What we expect not always on our side

What we imagined has nothing to do

What we want never been granted


Human needs others, ofcourse

But sometimes

Too much is not a good option

Not all people will always be there


It’s a really heartbreaking

When you put too much attention

Turns out to be a dull

And ended into regret


Its not about them

Its about ourselves

Need to realized that

Don’t stick up to others


The emotionless princess

Has risen up, again

Afraid to be sad


It wasn’t a myths

It wasn’t a hypocrite

It wasn’t a joke

People always change, always


you’ll see me differently

tomorrow and from now on

I meant it

just find attention from others

not from me


sorry, everyone

i cant take it anymore

-me, 2015


There are times when people just tired

One of the example is suffocated

They tried to keep them quiet

When there are actions they could take


Silent would be okay, maybe

Don’t underestimate the ignorance

There could be a new changes

Such as other ignorance


Time flies when people want to talk

But there are times when the speak

Cannot be the same again

Because of the ignorance


And I’ve been ignored for so many times

At first it was just a joke to me

But the heart never lies

And keep hurting


Maybe for some people

It was not a big thing, I know

But being ignored all the time

It was such a nightmare


I just want to erase all my memories





1. its a really far place and i cant afford to go there less than an hour.
2. I dont understand the routes and its mear by the sea because i really hate the sea afraid of tsunami.
3. I never knew i know someone live there because i always played around the south and never get into north
4. However, by the time of 2018 i met someone live there though and i just looked weirdly at the fact.
5. the north looked lonely at classes so me being a nice person tried to approach the north person because who wants to be alone in this cruel world.
6. I dont know i was going to get closer and closer to the north person untill we stick like a glue everyday.
7. By the time 2019, i realized it wasnt going to be the same again because we’re having a different path of classes.
8. one day, the north person gave me some letter and a doll, i was surprised.
9. I realized the distance doesnt make our friendship getting loose and because of that, we communicate everyday through online.
10. Untill the north person gave things that i never done to anyone and i feel very sorry because i cant gave it back to the north person.
11. The north person gave me a friendly attention much to me and make me feel not worthy to get this kind of treatment.
12. untill one day, i just realized the happy north not as happy as it seems. and it really breaks my heart because i never knew about it all.
13. I wanted to say sorry for all my non-action for not giving any memories that the north person gave to me. I wish i could be the person who gave things that the north gave.
14. I am sorry for not being a chill friend who doesnt see things so sensitively, i tried my best to be a better person, i promise.
15. Thankyou for things that you’ve been giving me and i am so gratefull for having a north as a friend. Even we’re not in the same spot or not even the same circle anymore, i hope we can be the bestfriend that always be there for each other and always remember each other even everyone leaves behind. I never thought you as my rival in any way, okay? please remember that.

ps: I cant tell you all of this in person i am so sorry for being the emotional friend that always make you worry and sad. Please, i’ll be always there for you i meant it, and i wish you could be the person that you want in the future i always prayed for that, even you got demands and unapproval from everyone, i’ll be here to support you , always

Sacrificing at its place

Sometimes self centered need to be true
Especially for those who wants
The one who want to satisfy themselves
Really to make it better

Well, there are times a heart
Need to be understandable
Because they were crashed
And dissapointed

The heart are weak
The heart are tired
The heart always sacrificing
The heart always lose

Its not about that
Its not about sacrificing
Its about the concious
Its about the reality
Its about the impact

Why dont people change their mindsets
Such as forgiving and helping
Because they are moved to do it
By their hearts

Sometimes lowering our ego
Are the most effective way
To solve a problem
Because we dont know what future will do

Sacrificing only an option
For us all to be a better person
Its not about how we lose
Its about the satisfy
To be able to do it

Dua puluh Tahun

Love and relationshi

Siapa yang tidak menyukai
genre bertemakan romansa
setiap manusia menyukainya
mungkin tidak semuanya

Dengan mereka berpikir
ataupun merasakan cinta
dan perasaan yang dicurahkan
mereka semua melaluinya

Adakah seseorang
dalam dua puluh tahun
tidak merasakan cinta
ataupun diberi cinta

Istilah “gebetan”
tak pernah terbesit
diantara dua puluh tahun tersebut
terselip pun tak pernah

apakah dua puluh tahun itu tersembunyi
atau tidak ada yang mencarinya

ingin sekali dua puluh tahun tersebut
tak merasa emosional dengan hal kecil

jika saja dua puluh tahun ada yang
mewarnainya dengan percikan asmara

mungkin hal itu tak pernah terjadi

rasa tak ingin ditinggalkan
rasa tak mau dalam kesendirian
rasa merasa tak penting
rasa selalu akan menjadi pilihan kedua

Cobaan Hidup

Di setiap kehidupan
akan selalu ada rintangan terberat
semua orang pasti mengalaminya
termasuk saya sendiri

Ada titik dimana manusia
lelah dengan cobaannya
dan ketika manusia tersebut
mencoba mencari kebahagiaannya
maka muncullah sifat egois

Sebenarnya setiap manusia
tidak salah memiliki egoisme
karena ia berhak menjalani hidupnya
namun ego terlalu berlebihan
sangatlah merugikan orang lain

Tetapi bolehkah sekali saja
saya memutar balikkan fakta
bahwa egoisme berasal dari orang lain
ketika seseorang tertindas
dan ingin mencapai kebahagiaannya

Ada dimana saat seseorang
berada di titik lemahnya
namun tidak ada yang menggapainya
dan tenggelam dalam kesendirian

Bayangkan jika seseorang itu
di tuntut untuk memahami yang lainnya
sulit meskipun seseorang itu memiliki niat yang baik

Semua mungkin butuh proses
setiap manusia berkembang
dan tidak salah jika mereka
ingin menjadi lebih baik
dengan melakukan keburukan
terlebih dahulu

Untuk orang-orang diluar sana
ku harap kalian jangan tetap
dalam keterpurukan atau
kesedihan yang mendalam

Karena nanti ada saat dimana
kebahagiaan itu muncul
jika kalian mensyukuri semua
apa yang kalian dapatkan sekarang

ingat dunia seperti roller coaster
tidak ada yang selalu sempurna
hanya bagaimana manusia
mengaplikasikan dan bersikap
pada cobaan yang diberikannya

In the end, there will be a closed door

Sometimes I feel nothing

The emotions are all hidden

Like the brain and heart

Never collide for each other


Once I never had feelings

Nor do I not?

There are dozens of questions

Why would we need emotions

While we are sacrificing ourselves into it


Never I have ever believe in anything

Or even a single trust

I was hiding in the bushes

Afraid to see outside

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